so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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