The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
