dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
