I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
