i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
