So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Farmville is her only friend.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
