she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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