woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
