dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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