so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
