this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
