Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
