Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
