Hey man sorry I got all grabby
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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