Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
