...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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