My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
please don't ironically join a cult
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