he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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