Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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