somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
ttyl tear gas
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
