Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
