dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
