That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
