the condom got lost in my hair
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
