hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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