it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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