Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
