I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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