my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
