Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
