I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
