At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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