Don't you send me to vm
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
