hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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