let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
