why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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