his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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