Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
