I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
