I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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