When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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