I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
