he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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