She is in my trunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
