It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
