Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
