They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
