i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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