I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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