I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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